Where to begin…
Let’s just say that life has been nothing short of ups and downs these past few months. I haven’t made a post in a while, to be honest, because I wasn’t sure what to write about. I have had SO much go on in my life that I didn’t know where to begin. So, for this post, I have decided to do a little “recap” of my life and what I have had going on.
Let’s jump on in shall we.
February was a major turning point for me. Early in the month I FINALLY had a job interview for something I actually saw myself enjoying… working in a gym! I officially started my front desk/sales position on the 11th, and things have been great! The gym is awesome- huge and CLEAN, and my boss is pretty cool herself 😉 I can truly say that I for the most part have been enjoying my new job. The 4am wake up is a little taxing, but hey… I manage. I also started my training in order to be a volunteer at The Pet Alliance of Orlando!
Unfortunately, just a few days after starting my job, I received a call I was NOT expecting. Little did I know then that it would also change my life forever. I received a call (on the 14th, yes Valentine’s Day) notifying me that my 93-year-old grandmother had fallen and broken her hip. As you could imagine, receiving this call completely broke me. I felt beyond guilty and didn’t know what to do. You see, my amazingly stubborn grandmother lived alone and the thought of her falling home by herself is completely heartbreaking. However, she is a brilliant lady and managed to reach her purse to call 9-1-1. Anyway, this led to a lot of stress and balancing of time… she had to undergo hip replacement surgery the next day. Thank God my sister moved back to Florida and is actually close to where my grandmother lived (I am about 90 min. away) so she was a HUGE help in this process. I managed to make it to the surgery, but unfortunately, I had a lot going on so driving back and forth became a thing. I had a new job, was still walking dogs on the side, had multiple other side jobs scheduled and was planning my first wedding anniversary trip. Needless to say, I had just a little bit going on.
They moved my grandmother to rehab a few days after surgery, which was a slight relief… however she HATED it. Again, she’s lived alone the majority of her life, so this was not something she was used to… she was also 93 so adjusting isn’t as easy as it is for us. Being my grandmothers Power of Attorney and closest relative (aside from my sister and dad- who unfortunately my grandmother did not have the best relationships with), I was with her any time I could be. Not being with her would literally cause an insane amount of guilt inside me… again I cannot thank my sister enough for being there!
During this time, I have continued to stay with my running group- largely for social reasons, but also to build my speed back up. Running is also an amazing stress reliever! In the beginning of March, I managed to run my first 10k in my goal time of under an hour! We also took our NYC anniversary trip (see that post HERE), I picked up more shifts at work, and had a few other social engagements. My husband also had quite a few work trips, so he was away pretty often. My grandmother switched rehab facilities during this time-to a better one, but was still not happy being away from home.
In April, my grandmothers doctor appointments started to pick up, as she was nearing the end of her rehab coverage. I had quite a few extra drives to make sure I was there to know what was going on. We also had a nice Easter brunch with family, which I guess I should mention my sister was about 6 months pregnant at this point 🙂 Frank and I participated in one of our favorite 5ks, where I placed 2nd in my age group. A good friend turned 30! And I FINALLY gave in and purchased my material to get my Personal Training Certification.
This is where things take another unfortunate turn. I received another call stating that my grandmother’s incision (from the initial surgery) was not heeling and became infected. They needed to operate, AGAIN, to clean out the wound and see what was going on. Now at 93 one major surgery is tough, now they wanted to do a second. I was beyond worried and again unsure of what to do. After a long discussion with her doctors, we decided to just clean out the wound as opposed to taking out the equipment from the replacement. On April 29th my grandmother underwent her second surgery on her hip… this was also the last time I really saw my grandmother. I of course made sure to be there (as well as my husband) for the surgery. Leading up to the surgery my grandmother was pretty with it… watching golf (she LOVES Tiger), talking politics with my husband (another favorite of hers), and was all around in good spirits. There were also some not so fun convos, but I wouldn’t let her talk about that- I wanted nothing but positivity. In the pre-op room I was there holding her hand, my sister and her husband were there, and she continuously asked for my husband (who at the time was in the waiting room- he quickly came in).
As I write this it still doesn’t feel real. My grandmother came out of surgery fine, but she never really came back to us. Her body began to fail. She mentally was not there, she would have moments of clarity, but that was really it. I did not know what to do. This was by far the hardest thing I ever had to see and there was nothing I could do. However, I will say I am extremely thankful for her primary care doctor. Never in my life have I ever seen a doctor care so much for a patient, he even slightly broke down at one point and had to excuse himself. After MUCH discussion and planning, Hospice became our only option. Now if you know me, you know that my grandmother is beyond the most important person in my life. She has been there for me since day 1, even when nobody else was. She believed in me, she wanted me to be happy… to succeed. To say this decision was hard, would be way too big of an understatement. She arrived at Hospice on April 4th, and of course we were all there. From here we really had no answers, no timeline, we just had to wait until she was ready to leave. I made sure to have my one-on-one time with her to say my goodbyes, and I swear she had a moment of clarity and spoke to me… she said my name and told me she loved me and that’s all I needed- for her to know I was there. The next couple of days were EXTREMELY hard. My guilt was out of control. I just wanted to be there, but on the flip side I knew she would not want me to stop my life for her. I drove down and sat with her as much as possible, but at this point she was completely unresponsive, not eating, not talking, not even opening her eyes.
On May 9th around 12:35am my phone rang… I knew what it was and I did not want to answer, but of course I did. At 12:32am my grandmother passed, just 6 days shy of her 94th birthday. I was beyond sad that she was alone, but knew deep down she was waiting for that… she didn’t want us to see her like that. My dad truly stepped up at this point and handled all arrangements, for I was in no condition to make decisions. We opted to not have a funeral, and just have some family time with her alone. It was exactly what I needed. A piece of me was lost that day, but I know she will always be with me. Everything happened so quickly, but now she is no longer alone… she’s with her friends, watching over me.
– A note to my grandmother on her 94th Birthday
“Today you would have been 94! Unfortunately, life decided to take you from us 6 days too soon. You haven’t even been gone a full week and I already miss you sooo much!
I want nothing more than to pick up the phone and give you a call and to take you out for your traditional bday dinner.
These past 3 months have been some of the hardest months of my life. Watching you quickly lose all your independence was nothing short of heartbreaking. You are the strongest, feistiest, most independent woman I know- and that is how I will always remember you. I truly aspire to be at least half the woman that you were.
You taught me so much about who I am today. Your stubbornness, your want to never inconvenience anyone, your want to care and support your loved ones, your gray hair 
… I got it all from you.
I am beyond grateful to have had you in my life. You were always my #1 supporter. Words cannot explain how happy/thankful I am that you got to see me graduate college (finally) and be there on my wedding day (and for you to truly love the man I married). I’m not sure what I am going to do without you, but I know you will always be with me. I hope that I continue to always make you proud.
I love you so much Deam. You can rest now.
– Katie”
Flash forward just 2 days, and Frank and I had to leave for New York for a wedding. Excited for the wedding, the timing was just not good- but I knew my grandmother would not want me to cancel. It actually turned out to be a better trip than we expected! You see, my family is originally from NY so it is where my grandmother grew up… and where her husband is buried (where she is now buried). We randomly flew into West Islip for this trip (which we never do) because the wedding happened to be on Long Island, the cemetery where my grandmother would be buried happened to be exactly between the airport and our hotel. Although my grandmother was not there yet, we were able to visit where she will be- this provided me a little peace. The Wedding itself was absolutely AMAZING! One of my best friends from college married the man of her dreams and it could not have been more perfect! It was great to see friends and loved ones and have just a little bit of a distraction. So, although timing wasn’t great, it actually turned out to be perfect.
After the wedding (another huge coincidence) Frank and I had already planned to spend a few days in Brooklyn. We’ve been to NY numerous times, but never spent much time in Brooklyn, so wanted to switch it up a little. My grandmother happened to be born and raised in Brooklyn, so again it could not have worked out better. I got to see where she grew up, I got to imagine where she played as a child, I got to experience a little piece of her life that she loved so much! We also went to a cute little pizza place and got sat at a Frank Sinatra themed table, another absolute FAVORITE of my grandmothers. The trip could not have been better.
Upon arriving home, I had work to do to finish up final touches for my sisters Baby Shower! Staying busy was much needed. I was able to finish everything on time (with a few minor oopsies- but come on), and her shower turned out awesome. I truly think she enjoyed it, and it was a great day celebrating her and my soon to be nephew 🙂
June was another exciting month, with a lot more positives! Frank and I finally moved out of our tiny apartment (where I lived for about 6 years) and into an amazing new, beautiful apartment. I also happened to turn 30! I had the most perfect celebration at one of my favorite places. Frank truly went above and beyond to make everything perfect and I couldn’t be more thankful. I’m going into this next decade of life with big dreams and lots of life to live!
I apologize for the lengthy post, but wanted to let you all know where I have been. I have SO much more to fill you in on- lots of exciting things! But I will save that for another post. For now, I will leave you with this… Life will always have its curve balls, but it’s how we handle them that makes us stronger. It’s important to remember to keep going. It may be hard now, but one day you will look back and be so proud of yourself for all that you have accomplished/overcome.
XO
